Fake

you danced around the glowing red fires of your malicious intent
and burned my image in the ravenous flames
and turned my memory to graying, dying ash
and spoke all of my dark secrets that I had shared with you alone
and plotted against me and everything in my life
and started this whole psychotic conspiracy
your colorful masterpiece of several years
your elaborate tapestry of the lies you wove
of gleaming smiles you faked
of the warm and tender affection you forced
of the endless love and care you feigned
even as you screeched my name into the salted wind and tried to damn me
I turned my cheek in hopeful ignorance
and I loved you

you had me on a string around your gnarled finger
the string turned to a bright green snake
the snake that bit everyone around you and me
the hissing creature that poisoned every last thing in my world
I told you I’d lost everything
you laughed and said you could take more
apparently I had more to lose
thank you for proving this
thanks for giving me the need to constantly watch my back
and the world thanks you for the fact I will never trust it
love thanks you for discouraging me from it
my heart thanks you for silencing its beating
my mind hates you for causing everything to break down
and I loved you

the man who has been trying so hard to repair me
sends biting words for the sick person who broke me beyond his repair
I will always fear who and what is there to hurt me
I will always expect the pain and harm
expect what you have caused me
and take it as though I deserve it
we know I do not deserve the dagger near my spine
not with all I’ve been through and needed your help with
I write this as a light through the black air
the dark air destroying my lungs
I beg for your forgiveness, not rekindling memories
I know that cannot happen
we are dead now my dearest friend
and I loved you

I say that I will go my way and cause my own harm in your stead
a blade to cut out my tongue
a needle to sew blood stained lips
and this shall be it from my side
as we part on a war torn road
and walk away through twisting trees covered in glistening mist from the night
I will look back and see your smile like the crescent moon
that will be enough for me and
I will be gone forever and I will be undone
let us remember the past as stored in the yellowing pages of the novel
let us remember and never forget
but let us move on through the night and never look back
perhaps paths will cross, but that will not matter
and I loved you

this love says let go and this love asks that this all be over
you are happy and I will find a way with time
I will try and find a way to see my error and that of everyone else
I will make myself the person you thought I was once
I will find the person you once loved as a sister
I will take this as my sign to end everything and begin to fix it
I wave my flag in solemn surrender
I offer contrition
I shake your hand and turn to walk away
times were good, but I see now it must be over
and never our identities cross our lips again
on this I swear if you do too
we shall carve it in the trees as we walk away
and I loved you

for all the wrongs in both sides of a war
I ask for a truce
I am sorry for all I have done to wrong you
but you are happy
and I shall find happiness
goodbye